Tied Up Sex – Why Do People Enjoy Bondage During Sex
If you saw 50 Shades, read it, or generally know what the book is about, then you have some idea that BDSM is becoming more mainstream. You may be wondering what BDSM is and why anyone would participate in that type of bondage for sexual pleasure.
Absent diving into questions of highly personal experiences, psychologists have done a lot of research in this area, and generally conclude that not only is BDSM not inherently dangerous but also that it can be used as a way to work through past issues an explore deeper connections with your partner. However, each individual and couple needs to find their own path via open dialogue and understanding. If you are still curious on the "why" question, here are a few key points to consider as you daydream of black leather and tight spandex.
What is BDSM?
BDSM is an acronym and an umbrella grouping of different activities. Usually, of two partners (there could be more), one is considered the bottom or submissive, and one is considered the top or dominant. BDSM is actually a shortened version of the full acronym which is BD-DS-SM, and it stands for Bondage & Discipline – Domination & Submission – Sadism & Masochism.
These are a lot of scary words but BDSM cover all types of situations on the spectrum. Even spanking can be considered a BDSM activity. A BDSM activity is usually associated with physical restraint, mental control, or any other type of domination, not matter how small. Again, this could include someone tell the other what they want in a forceful but positive way.
If you are a bottom or sub, then generally you are receiving the direction and it is your control over your actions that you have lost either through verbal or physical restraints, think handcuffs or not being allowed to climax until you have been told you are allowed to. If you are a top or a dom, then generally you are giving the directions and controlling the actions of your partner. This could include verbal directions or at least free use of your own body with your partner tied up. Do these roles reflect on an individual's mental status? Are they just acting out?
Is BDSM a psychological illness?
Often BDSM overlaps with the idea of discipline, which can bring up images of pain, torture, and emotional distress. It is true that early psychologists viewed BDSM in a completely negative light. However, early physiologists also viewed homosexuality as mental disease as well. The views have changed. BDSM is not an illness. An individual can be ill and participate in BDSM activities, but one is not inherent of the other. Psychopaths drive cars, yet no one says that driving a car is inherently psychotic. Researchers have concluded and shown that BDSM can absolutely be part of a healthy and consensual sexual exploration. So, if anyone says that Freud in 1905 declared that "sado-masochism" was a sign of a mental disorder. You can say that people have evolved their understanding of social interactions since then. Here are some interesting statistics shown in an article of Psychology Today:
- An Australian research survey concluded that committed BDSM members (~20K) all tested mentally healthy with no prior sexual trauma.
- University of Illinois tested the saliva of BDSM partners (58) before and after the BDSM sexual experience and discovered that their stress had actually reduced post event.
- Dutch researchers had 902 BDSM participants and 434 non-participants psychologically tested and discovered that BDSM participants were "less neurotic, more conscientious, more extraverted, more open to new experiences, less sensitive to rejection, and showed greater subjective well-being."
The official Diagnostics and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the American Psychiatric Association's main reference for current mental illnesses, delisted BDSM as a psychiatric disorder in 2013 and initially being listed back in 1952.
Why are Bondage experiences pleasurable?
It stands to show that when an Idaho State University survey of 935 BDSM participants concluded that over 90% associated BDSM with feelings of personal freedom, adventure, self-expression, stress relief, positive emotions, and pleasure, you can start to see the benefits of the experience. There is a psychological explanation of what is going on here. A study detailed in Psychology Today describes the body's reaction to BDSM.
If you are a bottom, then you are receiving the orders or being restricted in some mental or physical way. This disassociation causes your brain to enter a state of "transient hypofrontality." Think of floating down a river. You have no way to stop anything, no responsibilities, no issues, no problems. All you need to do is lay there and enjoy the pleasure. Transient hypofrontality is associated with reduction in pain, stress, and anxiety, and an increase in peacefulness and mindfulness.
If you are a top, then you are giving the orders or actively restricting your partner in some mental or physical way. This unlimited focus and attention cause your brain to enter a state of "flow." Think of a time when you were so engaged in an activity that you lost track of time or didn't hear the phone ring, or your alarm go off. Flow is similar in that those tops experience a hyper focus mental state that is highly effective for task completion. If their task was to get me off, I'd be very happy that they were hyper focused on completing their job.
The psychology of bondage is an interesting thing. The positive mental affects that people receive could be a result of the association of being tied up with being held by a lover and not being chained by an enemy as most believe. We all love being swaddled, and cuddled, and tightly held. Isn't bondage just another form of something that kept us alive at birth? It seems right to reason that BDSM isn't a reflection of punishment as early psychologist and Freud believed, but rather a reflection of our understanding of the importance of being held and cared for. I don't think anyone would disagree that having an orgasm is definitely part of being cared for.